One of the questions Erin and I get a lot is how on earth do we know how to write gay sex? Since we’re women, and all that.
Now, aside from the obvious answer (which is research), I just want to address how really deeply screwy this question is, and encourage people to maybe think of more precise ways to ask whatever it is they really want to ask.
Because just like there’s really no such thing as gay marriage there’s also really no such thing as gay sex. There’s just marriage. And sex.
And if you’re already writing (or reading) dudes in your heterosexual romance, I am unclear on what’s confusing to you — or what’s supposed to be confusing to us.
Except, not really. Because at this point in the conversation someone usually stage whispers anal sex and I start looking for solid objects to bang my head against repeatedly.
1. Not all men who have sex with men engage in anal sex. In fact, statistics on this show that the number is only about 50% and possibly less.
2. Straight people have tons of anal sex.
3. Totally straight dudes can totally enjoy being penetrated by their female partners.
4. Lesbians have anal sex too.
5. Penetrative sex of whatever variety is not inherently the most meaningful type of sex for any number of people of any number of orientations. It can be, but it doesn’t have to be. In your life or in your books.
6. Stop equating anal sex to gay sex. Please. Please just stop.
I, in fact, would love to read more of all types of romances with all types of sex where that sex isn’t a point of angst, but a point of exploration, character development, or just a damn good time. Sex is sex, people are fun and filthy, and when it comes to the romance genre what makes sex matter is the characters and character development involved.
Authors rely on their empathetic imagination for everything they write. If you write crime fiction, the police don’t show up at your house because your imagined murder scene is so true-to-life that they assume you must actually have killed someone. So why do people think that you can’t write a sex scene involving two men if you’ve never been in a sexual situation involving two men? Do men who write lesbian sex face these same questions? Somehow, I doubt it.